February 10, 2013 by Brittany
I’m not sure why, but this past weekend it really hit me that I’m leaving in five short months. All at once I’m excited, nervous, and saddened. How do I leave this life, these people that I’ve come to love? I’ve hated this life at times, contemplated leaving, and have been more frustrated than I could have imagined. But now, I can’t fathom not having the math teacher who lives around the corner to talk to every day, the volunteers to cheer me up when I need it, and the complete understanding that the story is gonna be good when it starts with “this one time, in site.” How do I leave, but yet how do I stay? How do I stay when I know that there are things I want to get started on at home? There are people there that I miss immensely, and couldn’t imagine another year without.
I know that in so many ways when the final goodbyes are said the world will shift again, and this time, this moment will end. That once I’m on that plane, things will change. It’s hard at times to focus on the good I know is coming, when there is also so much I will leave behind. So many people, so many laughs, so many tears. I’ve decided to focus on the connections as much as possible in the next five months. It’s not so much about work, not so much about whether my projects will matter. Now it’s about whether I take time to talk to my host mom, check- in with that math teacher, and sit down with the man who watches the combis coming and going every day. It’s about hanging out with other volunteers, making those calls just to say hi, and spending long afternoons lost in conversations.
“And she would remember that moment, in the silence before someone broke it, the single moment of highest summer, brimful, with no room for more, and not time yet for the tipping, the pouring out and away.”
- The Postmistress, Sarah Blake