1) I’ve never been as lonely as I have been as a Peace Corps Volunteer.  And maybe that’s embarrassing to admit, but whatever.  We all get lonely.  Usually it’s cool, I’m happy doing my thing in site and basically just living, and then something shifts.  Something so imperceptible I don’t even realize until it’s too late.  But there it is again- the loneliness. Emotional rollercoaster doesn’t even begin to describe the craziness that is Peace Corps.  It’s like suddenly developing bipolar disorder.  Your day may start out great, and by noon you’re blubbering to your host mom’s friend in the middle of the restaurant kitchen (don’t judge).  I’m not sure why I think that after two years I’d get good at feeling certain things here- or being in certain moods cause I most definitely haven’t.  I’ve learned you never really get “good” at missing people, or being lonely.  You just learn to accept it as part of life.

2) Saying goodbye sucks.  Ok I’m cheating since I already knew this- everyone knows this.  But after saying goodbye to a pretty awesome site- mate, and then the other 16ers, I had some pretty sucky goodbyes in the past year.  I didn’t realize just how much I had grown to depend on these people, and truly miss them now that they are gone.  I’ve also had to say some pretty hard goodbyes in recent months, first with my Grandma leaving once again after her visit, and then during our COS conference.  Before my grandma’s visit I hadn’t seen her for almost two years, and even knowing we will see each other once again in December didn’t make the goodbye any less hard.  Straight after that (like literally the day she flew out), I went to our COS conference where I had to say goodbye to people I won’t see again till…till… till… I have no idea when.  So yea saying goodbye sucks.

3) Hugs are underrated.  I had seriously underestimated the power of physical touch before coming to Peace Corps.  I took for granted that I had a mom, a dad, a brother, and countless friends who I could hug, and wrap my arms around whenever I felt like it.  That that was acceptable.  But here those hugs are few and far between- at least in my site.  Latin Americans are stereo- typically known for their big effusive shows of affection.  Not my Latin American host family.  They display nothing of the stereotypical shows of affections, hugs and kisses.  They barely touch each other at all.  Actually it feels like my site never got that memo.  Or I should say the adults didn’t get that memo.  Kids are kids anywhere, and along with that comes some pretty fierce hugs.  I love those hugs.  They are usually the only real hugs I get in site.  I thought for awhile, especially when I first got here that this wasn’t normal, that somehow I had managed on the only place that doesn’t really touch.  But I was wrong. I still remember the moment during EIST (Early In- Service Training) when we were writing down and sharing some hard cultural adjustments, and another volunteer wrote “miss being touched.”  I felt a little less alone.  So perhaps all those seemingly crazy people out there offering “free hugs” aren’t so crazy after all.  Physical touch has the power to improve depression symptoms, relieve stress, and make you feel seriously connected.  So if you’re reading this, and you have someone to hug- do it.  Because it matters.  It matters a lot.

4) Cultural differences have become a little easier to accept.  When we first got here, I remember being so annoyed and upset anytime a meeting was rescheduled, or no one showed up for a group.  But now? I’m still a little annoyed, but I usually see it as an excuse to get back to the book I’m reading, go for a walk, or finish that TV season I’ve been watching.  I don’t let it get to me anymore.  If I did I would be so unhappy all the time and annoyed with basically everyone because people are going to reschedule or not show up more times than not.  There’s no use in getting all bent out of shape about it.  Especially when I have a book to read, or a TV show to watch, or a neighbor to talk to.

5) After the one year mark you stop counting up months, and start counting them down.  It’s an odd, awesome thing that happens once you start thinking not in terms of “oh I’ve been here 7 months,” or “Yay we just completed month 9,” and start thinking in terms of, “oh wow we have 8 months to go… wait what????”

6) Life becomes normal.  Literally there are moments that I don’t really feel like I’m in Peru at all.  Yea, I know I’m speaking Spanish, and yea there are cultural differences, but life is life.  I have my routine, I have my friends, my job.  It all becomes normal.  Sometimes I forget just what a great life I do have- what a great adventure I’m living.  That is until I go on vacation and stare breathlessly up at the canyon I just walked down, or watch the sunrise over the mountains as I ride a mule up the side of a cliff.   Until I have a blast at a youth camp we spent months tirelessly putting together.  It’s those moments that sometimes get lost.  But I’m learning to capture them more and more, to appreciate them when they come.  Cause in 6 more months they will end.

- Camp fire with s’mores and ghost stories.  Boooooo

- Zombie tag

- Lesson on nutrition with fruit salad snack

- Community flag presentations

- Lesson on stress and ways to relax

- HIV/AIDS charla complete with anonymous questions and condom demonstration

- Obstacle course -

Morning yoga -

Public speaking skills -

Communication -

American culture presentations -

Thriller, YMCA, belly dancing, and swing dancing

- Service project at Starla’s primaria helping to plant trees, compost, and weed

There were so many moments when you could just see it “clicking” for the kids.  The girl who asked me if she could plant a garden like the one in Starla’s primaria in her own school, or the way my kids didn’t want to say goodbye, or the idea of another get- together that the kids are seriously running with undaunted by our warnings that planning something like this can be hard.  It was so awesome to see other volunteers working, since when we usually get together it is our “time off.”  I am reminded again just how amazing Peace Corps Volunteers are.  I can’t say enough how utterly grateful I am to all the volunteers who participated.  I’m pretty sure every volunteer thinks this about the other volunteers in their department, but I really do think we have the best ones.  LICAH, LICAH, LICAH!!!

My kids working on their community flag!

Nazca and El Ingenio crew

Cajon and festejo workshop

Learning the “Thriller” dance.

Working hard at Starla’s primaria.

We talked a lot about readjusting to the states, and while I’ll have a little more time than most everyone else, talking about how to summarize your experience for people in the states really struck me.  I didn’t really know how to summarize my Peace Corps experience for those people who only wanted a little sound bite.  Peace Corps is not a sound bite.  There’s no way to fit two life- changing years into 5 minutes.  It’s just not possible.  But I realized if I could sum it up at all, it would be that you went through things and you didn’t die.  Bluntly put, you didn’t die.  What you thought would mortify you, what you thought you couldn’t move on from, what terrified you, what damaged you, didn’t actually kill you.  I mean you’re still breathing and stuff, right?  Ok good, see you didn’t die.  I had sort of been realizing that for the last couple of years- that the unimaginable could happen, and it wouldn’t kill you.  You might even feel like dying at some points, but it doesn’t actually kill you.  I hadn’t really been able to express that sentiment before I was sitting with my grandma in Lima trying to give her one of those summaries so many people want, but it seems impossible to give.  But then, in the most simplest terms was the description of the last few years (both before and during Peace Corps) of my life.  You went through things- hard, unimaginable, regrettable, sad, tragic things- and you didn’t die.  You survived.

I also don’t really feel like this is real.  How could it be time to say goodbye when two years ago it felt like this moment would never come?  It felt like somewhere, sometime far in the distance.  But it’s here now, and yet it still doesn’t feel like it.  We are not allowed to travel in our last three months of service (although this doesn’t apply to me now because I’m extending) so this will be the last time I see many of these people for a long long time.  In Peace Corps we always had the next vacation, the next med checks, the next training.  But now we’ve ran out of vacations, med checks, and trainings.  This is it.  And just how I was worried about losing friends from home, I’m also worried about losing friends I’ve made here.  Especially since I won’t be going back with everyone else when our normal service is over.  I have met the most inspiring people in Peace Corps.  People who awe me and motivate me to grow.  We’ve all grown so much in the past two years.  Perhaps imperceptible at times, the change is still there.  I never really knew what it to feels like to have your heart live in so many places before Peace Corps, because for the most part all of my friends and family lived fairly close by.  At least close enough to visit on a regular basis.  Now I have family and friends in Peru, and in pretty much all fifty states.  People so far away I will be lucky if I see them every couple of years.  And if we don’t keep in touch, I want them to know that I am honored to have known them, for however long it lasted, and that my life will be forever changed.

Thankfully I started to feel better a couple of days later, just in time to visit Puno and Lake Titicaca!  A lot of people didn’t sound all that thrilled about the idea of visiting the lake when we were first planning this vacation, and it ended up only being me, Sue, and Kelly on this leg of our journey.  But it was perfect!  Puno itself is rather small, but the lake was amazing.  We took a day- long tour that thankfully didn’t start till 7am (yay for sleeping in!).  We went out to the Uros Islands, which are a collection of floating islands made out of the native reeds called totora that grow in the lake.  The roots of the reeds floats like cork!  They create the islands with the root layer first, then put on several more layers of reeds on top.  So weird walking around with the “ground” literally moving under your feet.  After the Uros Islands it was off to Taquile Island, which is an actual island about three hours out in the lake.  We toured around the island a little bit, ate lunch, and then it was off again to return to Puno.  The lake is so pretty, and we had fun getting to know our fellow travelers on the tour  A couple more days (in Arequipa, and returning to site), and vacation was officially over.

Pics from the lake!

Hope everyone had an amazing Easter holiday!  Now back to work!

So why are things going to get super busy?  So many events, tutorias, and meetings, so little time.  I am co- president of our youth camp planning committee, and I am so excited for it!  So far we have an excellent theme (Self- Community- Global), an awesome location, and lots of interest from the rest of the volunteers in bringing kids.  In a few short months I will be hitting you all up for money to help fund said camp, so be warned!  I’m also planning a Gender Equality and Women’s Empowerment (GEWE) Committee conference in Ica to celebrate one of the women chosen to be in our annual Peruanas Poderosas calendar.  This conference will be in the next couple of weeks, and I’m hoping the turnout is good.  This project has been a  lot of work and long road, but it feels like it’s all finally coming together.

Alright, so back to life in my actual site.  I will be teaching five tutorias every week this school year on vocational orientation and sex education.  Love these topics!  I will also be adding some activities in my site mate’s site to that in the next week or so as well.

Yep, so I’m getting super busy.  But as you know, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  My little “Type A” self is pretty happy right now

I know that in so many ways when the final goodbyes are said the world will shift again, and this time, this moment will end.  That once I’m on that plane, things will change.  It’s hard at times to focus on the good I know is coming, when there is also so much I will leave behind.  So many people, so many laughs, so many tears.  I’ve decided to focus on the connections as much as possible in the next five months.  It’s not so much about work, not so much about whether my projects will matter.  Now it’s about whether I take time to talk to my host mom, check- in with that math teacher, and sit down with the man who watches the combis coming and going every day.  It’s about hanging out with other volunteers, making those calls just to say hi, and spending long afternoons lost in conversations.

“And she would remember that moment, in the silence before someone broke it, the single moment of highest summer, brimful, with no room for more, and not time yet for the tipping, the pouring out and away.”

-          The Postmistress, Sarah Blake

Courtesy of “Hailey’s Helpful Hints”

Visions of my apartment decor, trips to Goodwill for awesome finds, and more cakes and lemony desserts (there are no lemons in Peru, and its making me crave some good old fashioned lemon bars!) than I can probably eat are dancing in my head.  And while this is all well and good (obviously my apartment decor is important to think about before I even know where I’ll be living), I can’t do most of the things I want to try till I get home.  :(  So now I’m left with all this pent up excited inspiration, and nothing to do with it.  Nothing to paint, nothing to decorate (there’s only so much you can do with four walls), and next to nothing to make.  I feel like a five- year old who gets their first paint set and gets so excited they have to paint absolutely everything, including the cat.  That’s about how inspired I am.  I’m bound and determined to find some project I can tackle…even if it means painting the cat…  ok so we don’t have a cat… maybe the dog.

That’s been my biggest update for the past couple of weeks, although this past weekend we did have a regional meeting.  A little something I realized this weekend:  I miss other volunteers.  Not sure when it happened, but I never see other volunteers really unless it’s for a regional meeting.  Which means I see people other than Matt once a month.  Once a month!  Sadness.  But!  With the summer coming (yep winter in the states is summer here) I will definitely have much more free time to bond with LICAH volunteers.  So Excited!

Oh also, 9 more days till Ecuador!!!