October 27, 2013 by Brittany
I have 6 ½ weeks left in Peru. While this may seem like a long time, it’s going to fly by. Trying to explain to anyone just what leaving Peru feels like is a losing battle. In a lot of ways I’m lucky. I know I’m starting grad school when I go home, and I have this “next step” figured out. But as I try and fail to explain to so many people, I still need to figure so many things out before I go home. Like a job. A job would be nice. Also, an apartment and roommates to live with. And all of this more or less needs to get done before I get home cause I have three short weeks before school starts. Having all these things in the air is hard for me. Add to that the stress of leaving so many wonderful people behind here, and I’m basically in a constant state of unsettledness. Some days I’m so ready to leave I can feel it in my bones. The urge to sit in a classroom, wear fancy clothes, eat amazing food, snuggle my dog, and finally get to hug so many friends and family overwhelms me at times, and I can’t wait till December comes. But there are other days where I sit staring out my window, and wonder just how to be apart from the people I have come to love here. When the thought of not being able to run around the corner to my friend’s house, bake with the women in my site, go to a regional meeting, or have a girls’ night with other volunteers causes my stomach to knot in dread. Honestly I didn’t think when the time came to leave I would be feeling like this. There were so many times during my service when I was literally counting down the days of the month to just be done. But now, I don’t know that I will ever really be “ready” to leave Peru. I’m not sure it’s something you can be ready for. So I’m trying not to think about how I’m both excited and sad all at the same time, trying not to think about all the unsettledness. Most of the time it works, but there are definitely moments, like now, when it’s all I can think about.