January 27, 2014 by Brittany
I read another 17ers blog recently, and she inspired me to be more honest about readjusting. Because she’s right- it’s not about remembering to put toilet paper in the toilet, or embracing the awesomeness that is tap water. It’s about so much more. This is gonna be as honest as I can. I knew readjusting was going to be hard, but I don’t think anything could prepare me for just how hard it has been. Much in the same way nothing can quite prepare you for Peace Corps, nothing can prepare you for coming home. Everyone knows change is sometimes incredibly painful, and transitions are usually never all fun. This is definitely no exception. The newness of the U.S. is wearing off, and I find myself getting more and more homesick for Peru. I want to swing in hammocks, and drink bad Cristal while chatting away an afternoon. I want to take the long seemingly endless walks alone along a highway that used to infuriate me for it’s singular direction. I want carapulcra (a regional Peruvian dish) so badly- and I know the chances of finding it are slim to none. I knew leaving meant losing people, and to be honest, I thought this would happen gradually… like sand slipping through your hands, how it just falls away. But it’s already happened. I’ve only been gone about a month and a half, and certain people feel so far away it’s as if I left years ago. Birthdays have been celebrated, relationships have started, vacations have been enjoyed, and life moves on. While people tell you that you have to focus and build the new, I think you also need to take time to mourn the loss. Talking to people here is difficult, just simply because I don’t know how to relate who I am now to who I was then. I didn’t realize just how much I feel differently, think differently now, how much I had changed. And so I want to stay home. I’m not making new friends, I’m not putting myself out there. And that’s perfectly okay. I figure that will come with time. In time I will want to make the effort to create another life here, not quite the same one I had when I left, but perhaps even better. I can imagine it, this life, but I can’t feel it yet.